Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
