Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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