yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
