the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
