so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
