yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
