Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
