I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
