just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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