so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
