my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
