i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
