i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
