well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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