The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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