yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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