I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
