I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
