I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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