Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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