She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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