While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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