how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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