Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
