Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
