i just wanna soil my oats bro
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
