Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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