I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
