That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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