You're so nebulous sometimes
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You ruined the universe
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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