you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
