fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
