you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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