Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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