I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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