I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
