she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize