I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize