fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
