therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I have demons in me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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