i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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