I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
vagina is talking i cant
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
