do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
