I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize