Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
