when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
