dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just threw up on my dentist
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
