Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize