Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
