Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
