Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
