And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
