just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize