i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
