also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
