I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
