Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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