is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
