he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
