Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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