You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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