He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
