I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
