what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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