i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
