I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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