ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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