I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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