community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
