Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
