He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
