It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
