I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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